Motherhood starts the day you see that + on the pee stick. The moment your realize the test is positive the emotional roller coaster begins. Rather your initial reaction was excitement and joy or shock and fear, it’s an emotional day you won’t forget.
The day we found out we were expecting we had just returned from church and my level of exhaustion had reached a new low. Something inside me felt different and I wondered “could I be pregnant?” Not really believing it could be true, I asked my husband if we could take a test. He agreed and thought to himself as soon as this is over and we know we aren’t pregnant we can take a nap! Except the test wasn’t negative and there was no way we could nap after realizing our lives were about to change forever.
I had a fairly uneventful pregnancy with a normal amount of morning sickness and feeling uncomfortable until I hit 28 weeks. I was so excited to hit my 3rd trimester until it became a new mothers nightmare.
The first few weeks of the third trimester I was hospitalized twice with kidney infections. The pain felt most certainly like what I imagined labor pains would be. After that catastrophe ended I thought it would be smooth sailing.
I had planned for an all natural birth. No pain meds. No IV’s. and most certainly NO EPIDURALS! There was no way in H-E-double-hockey- stick that I was going to let anyone stick a giant needle into my spine. I had my perfect plan and purchased all the necessary items to make it a perfect care free birthing experience! Now I look back on that and laugh! I think God was looking down on me thinking to himself “we need to teach this woman a lesson! Hasn’t she read the bible?”
At my 37 week check up my mom was with me. We got a glowing review from the midwife and I was looking good for my all natural childbirth. After the appointment we left and took a trip further south to drop my sister off. After dropping her off at church we heading to target to buy some more items for the babies nursery. On the way to the store we were rear ended by a woman going 45+ mph throwing us into the car in front of us.
I stood up out of the vehicle and thought “I’m ok” and then it dawned on me… I’m pregnant! OMG I’m pregnant! Is my baby ok? I just kept repeating “I’m pregnant, OMG I’m pregnant!” The ambulance came and drove me to the nearest hospital with a NICU in what seemed like the longest ride of my life!
By the grace of God our little boy was okay…. except for the fact that he flipped and was now breech! This was the beginning of God ripping the pages of my planner out and helping me to rewrite my expectations with him as the center. 37 weeks with a breech baby, who despite all my best efforts (webster technique, filps in the pool, laying upside on an ironing board… yes I tried it all) my natural childbirth plan was completely gone and I was now on God’s plan. A c-section, which meant my “oh hell no” attitude to them sticking a giant needle in my spine was now my only option.
Pregnancy, the one word I have to explain pregnancy is EMOTIONAL. I believe God uses pregnancy as the perfect way to shape us for what he has coming in motherhood. “The plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not harm you…” Notice how the verse says the plans “I” have for “you”. Not the plans you have for yourself.
Isn’t that so like motherhood? We have all these plans and expectations for our kids and God just completely turns them into mush and makes them HIS plans. But THANK GOD He does, because WOW are his plans so much better then I thought they could be. My son was born perfect, and I had the most amazing birthing experience… but that’s a whole nother story for a whole different post.
Today, I ask you- what plans do you have for your children that God is asking you let go of and surrender to him? What emotions do you have that you need to give to God and let him turn into joy?
Katelyn A. Dean 